Sister Ann Elgaaen in Houston, Texas South: February 8, 2021 Broken to Glow

I want to begin with a story:

A young mother waited in line with her two children at a local store, her younger son began to cry. The woman looked frantically in the cart for something to distract the young boy with, quickly, she grabbed a pack of glowsticks that had been tossed in her basket. Opening the pack, she handed the little Boy one of the glow sticks, which stopped his tears. Happily, he held the stick as he waddled around.

After paying for her purchases, she gathered her children and began to leave when she heard her Toddler cry out again. She turned to see that the older Son had taken the glow stick from his brother. Before she could yell out, or intervene, the older Boy bent the stick and handed it back to his brother.

The Toddler watched in awe as the stick began to fill with light.

"See" the older Brother said, "I had to break it so it could glow". He took his brother's hand as they walked out of the store to load the car.

What a valuable lesson this experience holds! The young toddler was unaware of the potential of the Glowstick; he was content in his circumstance, but the older brother knew the value of the glowstick, and how great it could become.

Often we live life day by day feeling content in our situations, but God knows our worth and He knows how great we can become! Oddly as it may sound, it is His Grace that allows us to be bent and broken so we can then learn to Glow!

You might ask, "how can trials possibly help me?? Surely this challenge is for no good." Maybe you feel as if you are drowning, and every time you come up for breath, another wave crashes over you. It may seem that no matter what you do, you can't get back up.

Can I tell you that you are not alone in feeling this way! I have been there. I understand!

While Serving in MacGregor, I suffered with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which was the result of abuse from a previous area in which I served for three months. For me, PTSD was something only soldiers who witnessed extreme death and gore might suffer from, but when I was recommended for counseling to help me cope with post traumatic stress disorder, I had to relook at my idea of what PTSD was.

There would be days where I could function normally, and then other days where I couldn't even bring myself to smile. Small things like a smell or someone tossing a ball in my general direction caused me to shut down. I was left to juggle these challenges that seemed too big for me to carry. I was a shell of myself. The thought that I was broken, that I couldn’t move on, haunted my mind, blocking out any hopeful dream for the future.

There were nights I cried myself to sleep, waking in the morning to find a swollen eyed girl staring back at me in the mirror.

Broken, I thought I would never be whole again. I felt alone. Helpless. Shattered. Months passed and my situation only seemed to grow worse. More challenges where thrown in my path, and eventually I contemplated going home.

I remember sitting on the balcony in the dark as I cried out to God "When is it enough?" The weight of my experiences rested heavily on my shoulders.

If only I would have recognized that in the midst of my hardship, the Savior's hand was shaping me into who He needed me to become.

Remember the current bush? Afraid to let the Gardener trim his seemingly flawless branches. The bush could not see what was to come, but the Gardener knew it was necessary to trim back the Bush in order for it to reach it's full potential.

We cannot envision who we are becoming, but God can! We must trust in him!

Life is challenging. It seems like every time our feet finally hit the ground, we are constantly being knocked back down. But we must remember that Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for each of us.

So, as our faces are pushed into the ground, we might taste the dust where the Savior's feet have stepped. As we desperately grasp for something to pick us up, our hands might feel the nails that pierced his precious skin. As we breath in the air around us, we might smell the blood he spilt for us. When restless for relief, we may drink the tears he shed, and when darkness closes in, we might see the light he is holding up.

When we are down, that is where the evidence of the Saviors perfect love and infinite atonement is most prominent.

So as we are mocked, shut down, yelled at, threatened, criticized, judged, abused and broken; when our face is once again pressed deep into the path, instead of our feet happily prancing along the way, recognize the evidence of God's love!

Then, when you finally reach the end, that is where YOUR father is waiting to pull you into his arms! An embrace so tight that he will fix all your broken pieces! God loves you perfectly! He lets us experience trials and challenges, because that is part of the path we must walk to return to His loving arms. The amazing thing is that we don't have to do it alone! God will give you no trial too difficult for you to overcome.

The Savior will support you every step of the way, if you let Him!

My PTSD did not disappear over night. I struggled for months, and sometimes still catch myself reliving those nightmares, but as I put my trust In God, he has helped me recognize my potential as His daughter! Now, more then ever, I am filled with an unending joy! My trials have brought me closer to my Savior. I could not live with all the pain and the hurt I had been trying to carry. I needed Jesus! I had to learn how to give my sorrows to him. He has already Suffered for each of us, but we still have to choose to hand it over to him. We must have the strength to go before God, unload all that is on our heart. Pains, sorrows, fears, anxieties and more. Then, we must build up enough strength to leave it with him and walk away.

Through my hardships, I have experienced quick, clear answers to prayers. I have felt the presence of angels around me. I have heard the voice of our Lord speaking softly to my anxious soul. I cannot deny that God's hand has been busy at work shaping my life. I will forever be grateful for my Mission, I have learned more then I could have ever imagined!

I have been bent and broken so, through the Grace of God, I have become strong, whole, unshaken. Through God, I have learned how to Glow.

Nothing that will bring us closer to God will ever be easy, but it will always be worth it!

I testify that God will never abandon you! It is not in his character to do so! So, when you feel you cannot go on any longer, look to him! His Grace will carry you home! I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen!

Love y'all!!

-Sister E. LLP