Sister Ann Elgaaen in Houston, Texas South: April 13, 2020 Humbled but Stronger because of it.

This transfer I have learned a lot about forgiveness and Grace. It seems like this transfer started months ago, but then it also feels like just yesterday. Time is weird like that.

During the course of these 6 weeks I have experienced many challenges that are not normal to the average missionary. Events that occurred involving other missionaries left me with extreme anxiety and fear. It was very difficult for me to even function around those we were teaching. I found myself cutting off all relationships with those around me, limiting communication and interactions. After a few nights of restless sleep and moments that I would lose myself in utter fear and sorrow, I knew I needed to overcome this, and I knew I couldn't do it alone!

I sought help.

I contacted leaders and communicated with family members and close friends. I let those around me know what was going on, and I followed their counseling and guidance.

Never before had I experience anxiety! If you had asked me what anxiety was before this transfer, I would have told you that it was easily overcome and "all in your head". But after experiencing it, I understand now that when people are filled with anxiety and fear, it is almost overwhelming! I felt helpless at times and even contemplated begging my mission president to emergency transfer me so I could stay clear of those who had caused me harm.

For those who are experiencing Anxiety or who have suffered from it previously, I know a small portion of what you have been through! It is not easy!

I can never fully know all that you have experienced, but there is someone who does. Our savior Jesus Christ. To be honest, it pains me to think that the savior has to go through what each of us have been through. Even in those moments where you felt broken, he was right along side you, crying when you cried, praying when you prayed. He felt all those pains, anxieties, fears, suffering! And he did it so you don't have to go through it alone!

I thought that I had forgiven, but those fears still were not gone. I knew I needed his mercy and grace to help me truly overcome all I was experiencing.

Gods mercy is that he loves us for who we are, as we are.

Gods Grace is that he loves us enough that he will not leave us as we are, but he will help us become more than what we are.

I don't know If I have ever prayed so much in my life, but as I knelt, shaking from emotion, I prayed to god asking him to take this from me. Though I would wish my suffering on no one, I know the savior has already taken it upon himself. I prayed to Heavenly Father to send me his grace to help me FULLY forgive. As I prayed, my body, then shaking, became still. A Deep love filled me, washing away all the anxiety and the fear. I had a new found love for all those around me, even those who had once hurt me. I felt whole. Complete. I felt of gods perfect and pure love he has for each and every one of his children.

God loves us while we are suffering. Is is part of his infinite mercy that he loves us through every trial or tribulation. But he also knows that we can be so much more then we are. Through his grace, he will not leave you as you are, but He can make up for what you lack and help you become the kings and queens we are destined to become.

I was lucky enough to overcome these anxieties in the span of 2 weeks, but there are many who are suffering or have suffered for years. God works in different ways with each and every one of us. No one is better then the other. God knows you, he knows your struggles and he is there for you! "Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever" (Jeffery R. Holland). Don't give up on yourself. You are more precious to god then all the riches in the entire world! You are worth so much to him! He sent his perfect son to suffer, bleed and die for YOU so that you might once again return to his presence.

I love you, Christ loves you, and Heavenly Father loves you. That's enough Love to fill the entire universe.

I hope you have an amazing week!